Top 10 Socializing Tips
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It’s estimated that up to 80% of jobs in the US are found through networking, and that as many as 70% of positions are filled without ever being posted. This means having a strong professional network and even stronger networking skills is essential to landing your next job.
In the U.S., networking isn’t just a skill; it’s a cultural expectation. From the classroom to the boardroom, Americans are raised to socialize, self-promote, and engage in small talk. Some even argue that what you gain from campus clubs and coffee chats in American universities outweighs what you actually learn in class. By the time we enter the workforce, many of us are already fluent in the unspoken rules of casual conversation.
For non-native English speakers, this cultural head start can feel intimidating. But don’t worry, small talk is a skill anyone can learn. Below are 10 easy-to-remember (and use!) small talk tips that will help you feel more confident in your next social or networking situation.
Make the first move: Don’t wait for people to talk to you; take the lead and introduce yourself. Remember, if you’re at a networking or social event, the purpose is to talk to people! So even if you don’t know exactly what to say, just starting a conversation will take the pressure off and make the other participants feel less awkward!
Find a common opener: Start with something you both share or can comment on. This might be as basic as the weather, the conference you’re both at, the music, or the food at an event. Remember, this is just an opener; you’ll want to find something more interesting to talk about as the conversation progresses.
Use a tagline: “Hi, I’m Ben from Italy.” Add a little something to your introduction, where you’re from or your company, for example. Not only will people remember you better, but it also gives them something to comment on instantly.
Ask open-ended questions: questions that invite your partner to elaborate. Asking only “yes” or “no” questions will give you uninteresting answers that are harder to follow up on.
Avoid “no” answers: If your partner doesn’t follow the previous tip, be the better conversationalist and avoid one-word answers, especially “no.” Instead, use phrases like “not yet” or “not really,” then instantly follow up with a comment or your own question that allows your partner to continue the conversation.
Be positive: In some cultures, it’s very common to complain, but try to avoid this in small talk with English speakers. First impressions are important, and you don’t want people to think you’re too negative.
Include others: Make sure you don’t monopolize the conversation! Ask lots of questions and give your partner time to answer. If you’re talking to more than one person, be sure to include the other people in the circle as much as possible. Maybe they’re shy, embarrassed about their English, or too polite to interrupt. Including them in the conversation by asking them (easy) targeted questions makes everyone feel more at ease and shows you’re a good leader and communicator.
Have some suggestions ready: If you live locally or know the area well, be prepared to offer your partner ideas for things to do. A cool jazz club, an art gallery, or your favorite restaurant are all great examples. This makes you sound knowledgeable and gives you an opportunity to share business cards.
Make a smooth exit: If you’ve enjoyed talking to your partner, be sure to let them know. Thank them and hint at future contact. If you haven’t enjoyed the conversation, be sure you have a good exit line to get out of there. Things like “Well, it was nice talking to you” and “I don’t want to take up all your time” are great lines to signal the conversation is over.
Don’t be afraid of failure: Not every interaction is going to end in meaningful connections. You’re going to have some awkward conversations and failed attempts at small talk. It’s OK.
Remember, most Americans have been practicing their social skills since kindergarten, and we’re still not perfect. Each attempt is a chance to improve your skills. In the worst-case scenario, you don’t make a meaningful connection. But in the best-case scenario? You open the door to a new job, a new partnership, or more!